Awkward Dinner
by Onimiman
Summary: For all you who are Red Letter Media fans, you may not notice the references... but your brain did. Anyway, alternate reality-traveling Jacen Solo, Onimi, and Nom Anor try to have dinner with the Skywalkers and Solos, and... well, you'll see what happens. Material belongs to RLM, courtesy of their short Where's Deathlist.


The Skywalker-Solo clan sat around the dinner table of the latter family's apartment having their annual get-together while enjoying a delicious meal. It had been their first official reunion since the Jedi Order was allowed to return to Coruscant a year ago; public opinion had warmed up to them as they scoured the galaxy with help from the Galactic Alliance in wiping out remnants of the Lost Tribe of the Sith, which reneged the ban placed on them half a decade ago.

Everyone around the table - Luke, Ben, Han, Leia, Allana, Jaina, Jag, and the latter couple's three-year-old son Skot - were all chatting pleasantly for a while before the doorbell rang.

"That must be Lando, Tendra, and Chance," Leia said for everyone else. "Threepio, could you go get that?"

"Why, of course, Mistress Leia," C-3PO said before he moved out of the dining room and to the apartment exit to greet the Calrissians.

"You invited Lando and his family?" Han asked.

"It was going to be a surprise," Leia said. "I thought they'd have been here earlier, but better late than never."

"I thought we were gonna have leftovers," Han complained in a mock-childish way.

Everyone else at the table couldn't help but smile at that comment.

However, all amusement vanished from the table when they saw who was at the door after C-3PO opened it.

"Good evening, Master Calrissi-" C-3PO's voice trailed off before he exclaimed, "Oh! Master Jacen! I didn't expect to see you here!"

"My mom of this reality sent me a pre-programmed invitation on my comm," Jacen said, showing the comm which had a date and coordinates set within the screen. "Sorry I'm late though, Onimi here's been kinda going crazier than usual." Behind Jacen stood a nervous Nom Anor, whose behavior made sense when compared to Onimi standing next to him, who swayed back and forth impatiently on his feet.

The deformed Yuuzhan Vong pushed past Jacen and C-3PO as he unceremoniously entered the apartment and began saying, "Where's _Deathlist_? Where's _Deathlist_? I went to Blockbuster, I went to Costco, I went to Wal-Mart, I went to K-Mart, I went to Hollywood Video." He then pointed at a light fixture in the living room. "You hear that? That's what I thought." He then looked away and said, "I want _Death_list. I know you have it, you can't hide it from me!"

The Skywalker-Solo clan stared in utter confusion at Onimi as he ranted and rambled to himself in the living room, not making sense.

"How did that invitation get sent to this Jacen?" Han whispered into Leia's ear.

She shrugged her shoulders in askance. "I don't know."

"Jacen, what is he talking about?" Luke asked as Jacen and Nom Anor walked past C-3PO to enter the apartment with Onimi.

"We were in this alternate reality for a little while, and we saw this obscure amateur film called _Deathlist_," Jacen explained. "Out of curiosity, we watched it, and while it was bad, it was apparently so horrible for Onimi that it essentially made him insane again, although not in the way that would make him dangerous necessarily. Just obsessed with watching the film again."

"How does that work?" Jaina asked.

"You look at his distended skull and you tell me how the hell he's even alive, never mind how his brain works," Jacen retorted. He then watched as Onimi wandered into the kitchen area.

"Nommy, can you make sure he doesn't piss in the sink like he did last time?" Jacen asked Nom Anor.

"Rodney, don't call here for a while," Onimi's voice came from the kitchen. "I'm off to do me dishes."

"Why do I have to do it?" Nom Anor asked.

"Because I did it last time, that's why," Jacen countered.

"Yeah, but I can't take his Force-sensitive ass!" Nom Anor said. "He could kill me! You have the better chance of taking him!"

"No excuses, I don't wanna have to manhandle him like he's a child again," Jacen said. "At least not this time. It's your turn now."

"If there's such a thing as a hell, I hope you go to it when you die," Nom Anor said before he went to the kitchen.

"I love you, too," Jacen countered sarcastically before he turned back to his family and sat down in one of the extra seats to begin taking some food. "So how's everyone been doing so far?"

"FUCK YOU!" Onimi screamed from the kitchen. The sound of someone hitting a wall - most likely Nom Anor - followed soon after.

"Don't worry, he'll be fine," Jacen said. "As long as he doesn't-"

The sound of someone vomiting occurred from the kitchen.

"Throw up," Jacen concluded awkwardly.

Leia stood up abruptly and trotted over to the kitchen where Onimi was on his hands and knees in his own vomit. Nom Anor was laying unconscious in a far corner of the kitchen. Leia just watched as Onimi began to stand up. He took a step forward and then slipped on his back from the vomit. He got up again and then fell prone to the kitchen floor, spreading his puke all around all the while.

"I'm going to kill him," Onimi muttered as everyone from the dinner table gathered behind Leia to watch in horror and confusion. "I'm going to kill Arlo Jenkins. Even if it's the last thing I do-" He trailed off as he slipped on his back again.

"All roads lead back to _Deathlist_," Onimi muttered again while still lying on the ground.

Leia turned back to her the alternate reality version of her son. "Jacen, I want you to take your two Yuuzhan Vong friends, especially that idiot over there-" She pointed to the downed Onimi -"and get the hell out of my apartment."

"Aww, but, Mom, I'm so hungry!" Jacen said selfishly. "And can you imagine how Onimi must be feeling after throwing up so much!"

"I feel dirty because I just watched _Deathlist_," Onimi said.

Leia ignored Onimi as she continued to Jacen, "I just told you to-"

"GET OUUUTTTT!" Onimi screamed, startling everyone while still downed. "GET OUUUTTTT! Out! Out! GET OUUUUTTTT!"

.

Later, after Jacen, Onimi, and Nom Anor, who woke up a few minutes after being knocked unconscious, were forced out of the apartment, Onimi continued to mumble, "I'm gonna put a bullet between his tits. I'm gonna shoot him in his good eye. I'm gonna kill him. I'm gonna kill Arlo Jenkins."

"I wish Onimi were on someone's deathlist right now," Nom Anor grumbled. "Either him or me, I don't really care either way. Whatever comes first."

"How about I look for you on a deathlist?" Onimi argued. "I'll look under E for idiot."

"Onimi, you're horny, aren't you?" Jacen asked.

Onimi nodded anxiously.

"You wanna have a wild, animalistic, abominable, nature-defying three-way with Nommy and I back in the underworld of this planet?"

Onimi nodded anxiously again.

"All right, let's go have a wild, animalistic, abomindable, nature-defying three-way back in the underworld," Jacen said.

**A/N: For all who wonder what the hell I just wrote, much of the material, I pretty much stole from Red Letter Media (again), particularly from their early short, Where's Deathlist?. Watch that vid, and this fic will make more sense, even though the video itself doesn't. You can only hope for a pizza roll there.**


End file.
